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Late into the night, a man sends a selfie or a message to a stranger online. Sam Escobar, beauty editor at GoodHousekeeping. The following conversation, needless to say, stems from their own personal experiences. And j ust so we're all on the same"sus" means "suspect.
Sam: We're discussing what it means when straight men with girlfriends send us flirtatious messages and selfies late at night. Sam: Let's start with this: What constitutes flirtatious? In my opinion, when a dude sends you a selfie late at night, it's like a cowardly digital bootycall.
It means, "You up? Eve: Especially if it's on Snapchat. Snapchats are inherently flirtatious. Especially because I am my peak publicly slutty in my Snapchat story… There's something, and forgive me for using this word, inherently "naughty" about a Snapchat. Sam: If you only communicate via Snapchat, you are sus. Eve: If you only communicate by Snapchat, chances are you have a wife. Sam: Chances are you don't know Snapchat convos can be saved.
Eve: I don't want people to think I'm "full of myself" in any capacity, but usually when a straight late night snapchat gets in touch with me privately online—Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, whatever—he's flirting. If you really don't want it be flirtatious, send me an. Sam: You're not being cocky by acknowledging something that happens a lot. Any woman with a public presence on the Internet, especially one who writes sometimes about herself, has gotten that p.
And it's so clear what the underlying message is. Eve: You can usually sense the sexual undertones if they are there. Sam: Important to note that women outside of media get these types of messages as well. Basically most women with public social media. Eve: It's every woman with an online presence. Remember that model who exposed all the wifed-up dudes who were sending her dick pics to their girlfriends? Sam: YES. And then people blamed her for posting photos of herself Eve: The most interesting vehicle to look at for all the flirty messages we get from men—both single and wifed-up—is not necessarily the unsolicited dick pic, but the ones that are more feelings-centric.
Like these guys read your writing, and then they want to connect with you on an emotional level, because they have some image of you from whatever personal essay they read of yours. Sam: It's not like they're saying, "Hey, I want to solicit some communication from you.
Late at night, that's when you're about intimate things. I don't hit up my casual acquaintances to talk about politics at a. Eve: Oh, of course, late at night your guard is down. It's not like during the day when you're working while you're chatting. Sam: Do you agree that when a straight dude sends you a selfie after hours, it almost always seems to come with the implied request for a photo of yourself back?
Isn't that special? I think it makes things more intimate, because you're having this late-night late night snapchat, but digital communication is inherently a little sterile, so a selfie is like, Hey, here's my face, I'm real, I'm human. Sam: Exactly. If you're a dude who never posts selfies to your Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat story, or [shudder] Facebook, why are you sending me this? Furthermore, why don't late night snapchat see that it's weird when you don't mention your wife or girlfriend or whatever but we can see her on your social media?
Eve: I always wonder how their girlfriends feel about it. Eve: I've had so many wifed-up men talk to me in a way where if I was their girlfriend, I'd be upset. Even if it's not directly hitting on me. Sam: There's a gray zone. I don't even like monogamy, but if I was in a monogamous relationship, I wouldn't particularly want my partner to be sending selfies. Sam: Wait, when you actually send people selfies or DMs, what's your typical intention? Eve: I mean, when I slide into a single dude's DMs who follows me, chances are I'm trying to suss out if I could be attracted to them.
Sometimes we have 10 minutes of lackluster conversation, other times it turns into something more. Sam: Honestly, if I'm sliding and not trying to go out with someone, I will explicitly say so. Eve: I usually don't late night snapchat my intention just because I really need to meet someone IRL, or at least chat with them sorta extensively, to figure out how I feel about them. OK, anyways, I don't think there's a compelling reason to send a selfie unless it's like, "Look at me with this celebrity in this exceptional circumstance. Eve: There's seldom a legit reason to send a selfie except for, "Hey, I want to convey something about who I am at this very moment to this pretty girl who isn't in the same room with me.
Do you ever actually respond to selfies or DMs? Sam: Very, very rarely. Sometimes, if somebody DMs me and we have mutual friends, I'll send a thing to the group text and check if anybody knows what's up. Eve: Same, late night snapchat on a disappointingly regular basis, I find out the guy does have a wife or girlfriend or has been a dick to women I know.
Sam: God bless the group text. Speaking of which, [redacted] needs to stop sending me photos in the middle of the night. Eve: Were men more or less sus before the advent on the Internet? Like, in the '60s, were they calling young, hot women late at night to emotionally cheat on their wives? Sam: They didn't needed to hide it. They were just like, "Hey wife, I'm gonna head out the door to have a cigarette and impregnate someone else. Eve: Online can blur the spectrum of acceptability, in terms of fidelity. It's the ultimate Look, Don't Touch.
Sam: When I didn't have that many Snapchat followers, I used to look at who watched my Snapchat every single time, no matter what hour. Lots of [redacted], lots of [redacted], lots of [redacted] who—by the way—has a kid, too. Has seeing how guys react on social media to women made you wary about dating guys who are active on it? Eve: The sad truth is, no!
Not at all! Because I'm so active on social media it's nice to date someone who can relate to that. I occasionally DM single guys because I'm thirsty too! Just selectively thirsty. How about you? Sam: What this comes down to is these men's need for attention, even if they have a romantic partner, in an under-the-radar romantic or sexual way. Eve: And an expectation that you're available, there for them whenever they feel like it. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories.
Esquire Select. Love In The Time of Magic. Rare Photos Inside L. Getty Images. Eve: It means you're sus AF. If you only communicate by Snapchat, chances are you have a wife. Related Story. Sam Escobar Contributor Sam's enthusiasm for makeup is only rivaled by their love of all things relating to cats. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses.
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